


Small Excerpts from Claire Redfield’s Everyday Life

by The_Sea_Calls



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Angst, Claire-centric, Disordered Eating, Gen, Insecurity in looks, Unrequited Love, Weight Issues, Whatever Leon and Ada have going on, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29209881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sea_Calls/pseuds/The_Sea_Calls
Summary: Claire Redfield was a fool. She knew this, but that doesn’t mean she was going to stop.
Relationships: Onsided Claire Redfield/Leon S. Kennedy
Kudos: 3





	Small Excerpts from Claire Redfield’s Everyday Life

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own Resident Evil (that’s pretty obvious). I also wrote this when I was having a lot of issues going in and Claire was essentially my comfort character. Let me know if I misspelt something or if a sentence doesn’t work. If I missed a tag just say so.

———— Claire decides to prepare a bowl of cereal ————

As Claire ate the sinking feeling in her soul grew. Without noticing, the movement of the spoon from the bowl to her mouth started to slow down. It was then that she finally understood what that feeling was.

Guilt. 

Why did she feel guilty? There wasn’t anything to feel guilty about. 

Yet when she started to eat again that disgust grew. Only two spoonfuls were swallowed before she put the bowl down. The bowl itself was still half full, but the thought of finishing it made her nauseous.

Why? Why was she feeling like this? 

She wasn’t sick. Nor was she on any medication that could cause this. But that bowl seemed to have become a horrible enemy. She slowly stood up and brought it to the sink. With great regret, all of the cereal went down the drain. 

She couldn’t look at the kitchen for the rest of the night.

———— Claire’s running late to work ————

Claire ran frantically between her closet and bathroom. Getting ready at a speed she didn’t know could access outside of a fight. It wasn’t until she was grabbing her keys when she realized that she didn’t have anytime for breakfast. 

That’s not a problem. She could just pick up a muffin or something at work. With this final thought she jogged out of the apartment and hopped onto her motorcycle. 

It wasn’t until long after work was over did she realize she never ate anything for breakfast. And that strangely pleasant feeling the emptiness in her stomach caused.

If she started skipping breakfast after this, well, that was no-ones business but her own.

———— Claire’s noticing some changes ————

She’s been getting tired lately. Well, more than usual. 

When Claire got home from work she was exhausted. Which is weird because her job didn’t require much energy, not like the others.

Or how she has increased her caffeine intake just to focus on the paperwork. It still takes longer than usual, but the coffee does help.

There’s also the lack of energy. Especially while working out. She doesn’t remember ever having to stop midway through her workout because she was just too tired to continue on.

The biggest impact of it all has to be on the scale. It’s only five pounds but the satisfaction she feels outweighs any logical reasoning. 

It’s pathetic but those five pounds makes it all seem worth it. Every struggle to read a simple sentence. To converse with people when her head was killing her. The growling pain that hangs heavy in her gut. The same pain that she denies until the very last moment, only placating it with small snacks. 

A single number made all her problems seem irrelevant. 

———— Claire’s self reflecting ————

Why was she even doing this? 

This was just making her feel horrible. She can’t even remember the last time she had a good nights rest. The constant feeling of not being entirely full was just dragging her down. 

Yet, there was something comforting about it. She couldn’t control so many things. The people who have unjustly died. The people who, even now with Terrasave’s help, still worried about whether or not they’ll have anything to eat tomorrow. The children who had been used as test subjects. 

There was many things she couldn’t control, and she was aware of that. This was something she had control over. 

So fuck what she’s been doing to herself. If she wants to have a goddamn pizza she’ll have a goddamn pizza. Fuck this number bullshit. She’s going to order that fucking pizza. 

———— Claire decides to weigh herself and that was a big mistake ————

This was a mistake.

Claire didn’t intend to weigh herself but any possible implications just heavily laced itself on her.

The results were disastrous. She knew that eating three meals a day would obviously increase her weight, but she just wasn’t prepared to actually face the facts. Any and all weight she had succeeded in losing was gone. 

She was an idiot for stopping.

Those numbers on the scale were horrifying to look at. They made her nauseous. They were all she could think about that day.

———— Claire wonders why nobody notices her decline ————

Were they just unobservant? Did they just assume that was how she is? Did they not care? She didn’t want to sound arrogant but she was a prominent member. Mainly because of her biological connection with Chris. As if that didn’t make her blood boil whenever she suspected it.

Perhaps she was just subtle. Surely they would have noticed her slight decline in completed paperwork. Or how she didn’t talk as much anymore. Following with the fact that she’s rarely seen during breakfast or lunch anymore. 

Maybe... she doesn’t mean as much as she thought.

Does that mean she was being kinda snotty this whole time. Assuming that her status was higher than it actually was. 

Maybe she was overthinking this. 

But what if she was right?

———— Claire has a small breakdown ————

She’s an imbecile.

She actually thought that she had a chance.

She should’ve known Leon was still in love with Ada. Why did she speculate differently? The man has been trailing after that women for years now.  
Why did he like her so much? Was it the air of mystery? The fact that she’s a spy? Maybe there’s some weird secret relationship somewhere? Was it her looks?

She’ll admit, she wasn’t nearly as refined as Ada. She was boxy in her build. But was that such a big difference? Was it because of her hair? Ada’s hair did seem silky in texture. Maybe her face was too red? Acne hadn’t been kind to her during the teenage years. Maybe the leftover pigmentation was distracting? 

Was her bone structure just unappealing to look at in the first place?

It was dumb of her. She was dumb. She was so fucking dumb.

Why would someone have interest in her?  
Sure, her brother was an SOU captain and team leader of the Silver Dagger. So what if she’s survived Raccoon City and all the other incidents that came afterward. So did many other people. It wasn’t like she’s making a big impact. She was part of Terrasave and not much else. 

If she disappeared at that moment it wouldn’t have any major impact. 

Of course her family and friends would miss her. But that’s the thing about life. You die and the people around you live on until they die. Rinse and Repeat until the world ends.

Was she doomed to a life of loneliness because she wasn’t even slightly appealing to look at? 

No, that’s preposterous. There’s defiantly someone out there for her. It might just take a while. But she was already 35. How much longer can she wait before she gets counted as “too old”. 

Oh god, she was destined to be alone. People her age are married and have kids. They’re preparing a retirement fund. They’re confident in the lives they’ve led. What was she doing? What was she doing?

Absolutely nothing.

———— Claire doesn’t care anymore ————

Fuck it all.

So what if she only weighs 116 pounds. It’s a number she’s worked hard for. So what if she’s never going to get married. The chances she’ll end up in a loving relationship are incredibly low. Even if she magically ended up in a relationship they’ll just expect her to have kids. As much as she likes kids the thought of sharing flesh and blood with one disinterested her. Or the fact that they’ll want her to play the role of “tentative wife”. So what if her and the concept of romantic relationships in the same sentence don’t even go together. Unless you were making an example of how distinctly terrible it would be.

So what if all these thoughts make her constantly feel hollow inside. 

Not like anyone’ll know.


End file.
